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Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

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Your passing was expected, yet still it surprised the hell out of me.

For years I have been angry and frustrated that you just do not want to look after your health better, for your own sake or your wife’s sake or your children’s sake and even your grandchild’s sake. That you just let things be. That you just seem to regress into being a petulant child more and more often.

For years I have seen you show your tantrum to your wife whenever you don’t get what you want..again, acting like a petulant child.

For years I have seen you allow people to walk all over you and abusing your kindness and generosity. I am angry that you don’t fight back. That you don’t tell them to shove it up their ass.

But now that you are gone, I can’t even begin to express how much I miss you already. You have been so consistent in my life…always in the background, always watching, always observing, just not saying much..

I remember…

You used to bring us to the amusement park

You used to pick me up when I fall down (very often)

You used to have cartoons taped for us from Hong Kong…very precious cartoons that were not shown here…and how I used to brag about it to my classmates

You used to buy many Sanrio trinkets for me and sis from your trips that I would show off to my classmates in school (no one in my school had that luxury in those days)

You used to allow me to throw tantrums without scolding me…then I’d feel sorry and come apologize quietly

Now,

I wish I’d taken more photos with you

I wish I’d done more things with you

I wish I’d spent more time with you

But my biggest wish is that you are now at peace, no more worries, no more regrets and no more suffering.

crack on floor

 

Saw this picture whilst surfing the internet this morning. I love the motivation and inspiration that pictures like this gives. Reminds me to see the beauty in everything. That all problems can be solved. That a little crack is not the end of the world.

xoxo

ToyGirl

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Its been a week since the accident happened.

I was very nervous about driving at first. Still cried the day after. Was super nervous everytime a motorcycle drives past me. My eyes will dart left and right to watch if there’s a motorcycle coming up from behind. Its very, very tiring.

Now, things are more or less back to normal. I am able to drive without fretting too much. Not so scared about being on my own or going out on my own.

My mind has also stopped looping the same scene over and over and over….in fact, I consider it an improvement when my imagination made me into the hero. I imagined that I leapt out of my car, stick / weapon in hand, did a flying kick into the robbers and land with my feet on their chest pressing them down (cue anime scenario, me in my sailormoon type of uniform and my hair blowing out behind me).  Lol…this day dreaming sure beats the sad and negative ones where the scene always end up with me injured badly. So I’m cherishing this positive image.

On another positive note, ToyBoy is feeling a bit paranoid about my car and my safety. So I’m getting a new car! *double yay* Now we just have to decide on the car. I’m extremely fussy about the car I drive. Still can’t decide which car I want. I’m actually looking forward to driving a new car that wouldn’t remind me of my experience. Everytime I drive, I look at the window screen and I will remember what happened.

Till then…

xoxo

ToyGirl

 

Yesterday I became a statistic. That’s the word the kept appearing in my mind after it happened.

I was robbed in my car yesterday whilst driving home at the junction on Jalan Dato Abu Bakar at the traffic lights (turning left will lead you to Eastin Hotel). I was maybe the 5th or 6th car from the traffic lights. It was red. I was looking ahead. Not paying attention to anything much. Suddenly, I heard a banging sound from my left. I turn my head left and reeled back in shock! A Malay young guy was knocking on my window with his helmet! I looked right, looked back, there was no where for me to go. We were stopped bumper to bumper waiting for traffic light to turn green. By the time I turned my head back to the robbers (less that 5 seconds), he had already crashed through my window and pushed down the glass. Pieces of shattred glass was everywhere. I screamed. Tried to grab my handbag, but could not hold on to it. I turned my head frantically thinking maybe someone can help. But immediately realised I’m still in my car, strapped to my seat by my seat belt, my feet still on the brake pedal, the gear still in drive… Then I spotted my phone, next to me. Somehow, for some funny unexplainable reason, this made me let go of my bag. By then the lights and turned green, the robbers have sped off. It all happened in less than a minute.

I immediately burst into tears. I looked around me, wondering what to do next. Should I stop? Should I call someone? Should I pull over?

I didn’t dare to stop because my window is already shattered. I didn’t dare to pull over because there was no place to.

I started driving when I realised all the cars around me were going around my car to get on with their driving.

Right at the moment, I felt so alone. As though I was in my own world. I just got robbed, my window got smashed. Life goes on.

So I stepped on the pedal and drove along. All the while crying, hard (I’m a crier, if you know me). I started shaking by this time. My feet was doing its own tap dance on the gas pedal. I couldn’t stop crying.

I only managed to call ToyBoy once I have reached the next traffic lights at Jalan Kiara. By then I realised I’ve sprained my fourth finger on my left hand. Probably during the bag struggle. And there was some blood on a few of my fingers.

I reached my parents home, ToyBoy was waiting there for me with my mom. I was still crying. I couldn’t do anything else. Luckily for me, Toyboy took the situation in hand. Called all the banks to cancel the cards, called his mechanic to order a new window, took me to police station to make report and took me to his si-fu for prayers. By 9.30pm, everything was settled, except for my IC and driving license which will be done today. A sentence went through my head then, All in a Day’s Work. Ironic.

After all that, back home, showered, sleepy. My mind started recalling the moments in that short minute. My mind was like a broken CD that kept looping again and again and again. Needless to say I couldn’t sleep very well. Everytime I woke up, it was the image of the robber smashing my window.

During this time, I also thanked my lucky stars. IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH WORSE!

My hands/arms could have been cut and slashed during the short struggle.

My arms could have been cut like my car seat by my bag’s metal buckle.

I could have stepped on the gas pedal and knock into the car in front of me in my panic.

I could have….

The ifs are endless….

In the end, life goes on. All is well. There wasn’t much cash in my wallet, maybe Rm50 – 70. So that’s my ‘private’ chuckle. All that work for them, but nothing gained except for a 10 year old Bally wallet.

xoxo

ToyGirl

P.s. I call this a statistic because I am one of them that left my handbag on the passenger seat. In plain view. So I must be case #xxxxx that this has happened to?

I’m reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Pretty obvious given the title of the post. One of the paragraph goes like this.

She “wanted to learn to live in this world, and to enjoy its delights, but also to devote herself to God. He (a local medicine man) told her, “To find the balance that you want, you must keep your feet grounded so firmly on earth that it’s like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart instead. That way you will know God.”

We so often forget this. I so often forget this. I often forget that there is a world around me. I often forget that the world as I see it, doesn’t revolve around me. I often think I am right and you are wrong.

ToyBoy and I. We read a lot of  books. Different books read at different times, give us different meanings. For instance, reading Eat Pray Love, especially that particular sentence above, it gave me butterflies. Because that is exactly what I am yearning for. To be able to learn the mysteries of the world, the mysteries of being born into this world, to enjoy all it has to offer without feeling any guilt over having too much enjoyment (you know how parents like to remind you when young to finish all your food coz the poor have nothing whilst you have all things) and to be able to find the wisdom and enlightenment that will bring me closer to God.

Eat Pray Love. It just about sums up what I want in my life. To be able to Eat and enjoy the abundance of food the world has to offer. To be able to pray and thank the universe and God for all I’m enjoying. To be able to Love all around me. To be able to Live.

” A meal without wine is like a day without the sun.”

Came across this picture in Vanilla Garlic’s blog. The sentence mirrors my sentiments exactly :p

xoxo ToyGirl

Life’s been really hectic recently with many things going on at the same time. I suppose the past few years have beenhoneymoon years for me in terms of work. Business was really steady, so much so that it didn’t really require my constant focus and attention. However, all that changed in the span of a few days! Now, I barely have enough time for myself to do all the things I that I started doing early this year.

Beginning of the year, I started Qi Gong classes. My Qi Gong master is an American based master that comes to KL every 2 months. The last time he came, I only managed to see him twice! And don’t even talk about practising on my own. By the time I get home, I’m too tired to do anything but cook dinner and watch TV. I know I know…i could have used the TV time to practice Qi Gong. But….

Then, almost around the same time, I started Gu Zheng lessons. I’ve always wanted to learn. But not enough will power to push me to find out more. Serendipitiously, my Qi Gong master plays Gu Zheng, AND he had a second hand Gu Zheng from one of his students laying around. He offered it to me REEAAAALLL cheap and brought me to see his teacher immediately. How to refuse? Its almost like its fated. SO I did 3 months of Gu Zheng lessons….NOW have stopped classes for almost 3 months. And to make matters worse, I haven’t been practising at home! I can just hear my teacher going tsk tsk tsk…

3 more months till the end of year 2010. Time flies. Keeping my fingers crossed that the next 3 months things will be flowing smoothly.

xoxo ToyGirl